What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 15:14
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why did McLaren hope that the Ferrari pair would pit twice during the Italian Grand Prix?
I could never make a relationship work though!
I waited trembling.
I don,t even have a pension.
Why do boobs of some girls bounce when they walk?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But, we were locked up after school.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Where's the Civil War everyone on the left said would happen?
So, i spoilt her more .
One cannot live in the past .
He knew the spot.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why would Hugh Grant cheat on Elizabeth Hurley?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
What did i know ?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Does the Hamas charter specifically call for the death of all Jews and the destruction of Israel?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
How did it feel to take your first gay BBC?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why is it that women are stronger than men nowadays?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why am I so tired of the keto diet?
My life is so biszare .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Is there anything you did that you regret? If so, what is it, and why?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was scared of men, in general
I did it because my mum asked me too!
What is your review of working in EY?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I think the readers, may guess!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was seconnd youngest,
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But it wasn’t much.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We were not on the streets..
Ive learnt so much.
This is soul school!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was 9 years of age.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I said to her
She was in good health!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
All the time i was locked up.
Put me off passion for life!!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I have no regrets .
Especially a lifetime of it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She loved him until the end.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She found it foreign!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
When she asked me how she looked .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Comes on , in middle age.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Was to survive, this bastard.
As i do to all so called friends.?
So whats the point in blame.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I never cut or harmed myself..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was very sick at this time too.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I will be 64.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We all went to grammer schools
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It was going to be , some day.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im still living with it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I write beautiful poetry .
My family never makes their pension either.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She married twice! .
And i lived it daily.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She wouldn,t have been !
Who then, do I blame.?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Would this be the day?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years